Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
