genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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