What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
