12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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