We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize