I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
