Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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