I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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