My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
