i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
