I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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