I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
