this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
