i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
