theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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