More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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