pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
