p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
