just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
