do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
