I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
