he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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