yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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