Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
