Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
