I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize