she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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