i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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