Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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