He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
