I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize