i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
