I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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