You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm too high and old for this...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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