did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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