That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
