I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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