shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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