Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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