i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
