she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
