There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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