I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
