I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
