You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
