I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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