I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
