3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
