he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
