You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
