there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
