i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
