all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
