What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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