I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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