i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
