if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
