Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
