it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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