On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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