They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
