A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
