I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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