New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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