Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
