so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
