hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
