Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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