You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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