C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
