I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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