If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
