so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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