if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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