My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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