The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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