I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
