the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
