There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The beers last night were like the tears from god
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
