he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
