i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
