So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
