...so i touched it.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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