I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
