I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
