but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
love makes seman taste better
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
