Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask

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(314): View more from Missouri

I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.

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(925): View more from California

I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.

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(317): View more from Indiana

The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad

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(310): View more from California

what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?

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(804): View more from Virginia

we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.

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(850): View more from Florida

Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.

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(310): View more from California

Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?

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