You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
