I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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