after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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