I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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