I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
