Your mouth is God's brothel.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
