Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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