i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
