I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
