so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
